I've never been one to dig the "reality" television shows popping up on every channel from NBC to the Food Network, and I really thought I was going to hate Vh1's attempt with "Bands on the Run".

The scenario is that four bands are competing for an array of spectacular prizes (an A&R showcase! New stuff from Guitar Center! Prettier girlfriends!). All they have to do is sell more merchandise and get more people into their shows than the other bands. Isn't that what everybody's trying to do anyway?

Surprisingly, it makes ok viewing. The bands are usually drunk (that $20 a day they're allotted for expenses seems to go on shots), and they only fulfill MOST stereotypes. Progressive it isn't, but nobody said this is thinkin' television. Most "cast members" are white and male and oddly named, and of course the lead guitarist of all-female band Harlow has only been playing guitar for as long as she's been in the band (that one is my favorite stereotype personified of any).

The intriguing part of the show doesn't lie in these trivial details. For me, it's all about watching everybody throw their artistry out the window and work the salesmanship angle.

Every band has their own selling style. For The Josh Dodes Band (the first band eliminated), their market was mainly the mainstream/college crowd, so they tried the hard sell at college sporting events (as we all yelled at the screen, "what the hell are you thinking??").

The vampiric Harlow has a different scheme altogether. They admittedly have the most success when the lead singer Amanda hooks up with the coolest girl in any given town, and that girl in turn does all of their promo and has all of her friends show up at their clubs.

The ever-intoxicated and horny Flickerstick stick to their dirty rock 'n' roll ways in promotion as well. Their game is to go drinking, meet as many chicks as possible, and hope that they'll remember to bring all their friends to the show the next night after they all party in the hotel. Maybe their plan isn't THAT different from Harlow's...

Then there's Soulcracker. I don't know, they're not a bad band, but there's just something despicable about 'em. They promote with a vengeance, have no love for anyone other than themselves, and always have to play venues with food in their names. In a weird way I admire their diligence, but they remind me of every guy I disliked at Community College, y'know?

Who will win the ultimate (tsk) band challenge? Who will break up? Who will get blown by a blonde on national television and somehow think their girlfriend back home won't find out? (For those keeping score at home, that would be Flickerstick's Fletcher, "the shy one").

Who cares. I can't say the show hasn't given me ideas on what works promotion-wise, and what doesn't.

I admire Harlow's DIY style, with their CD-R's and homemade Barbie-like dolls, but two years from now when they mature musically into a much tighter unit, they will still only be remembered for the first impression they left, which is more garageband-like. Soulcracker's powerpop antics aren't bad onstage, but all the backstabbing and drama they created might not sit well with perspective fans.

Vh1 are currently combing Mp3.com (of all places, thank you Universal for the buyout. I really wanted to compete with Christina Aguilera) for next season's band lineup. I wonder, how many bands will pass on this one because they saw what 'reality' television did to minimize the artistry of what they're doing. Would Vh1 air more than one of your songs being performed? Doubtful. But still, there will be those seekers of their fifteen minutes of shame, laying it all out there in hopes of rock stardom. There's reality for you.

Dana Detrick-Clark
dana@thezone.org

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For more on Dana, check out her band (Post Orgasmic Trauma) and record label (Serious Vanity).